Muahahahahaha
by Kant Newton
Summary: Samvid Camden takes over the world
1. daaaaannnnnncccciiiiiinnnnnggggg

DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, I just parody them without mercy.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a parody of Sam and David, who I think are really trained seals, or else, part of a two-headed creature called Samvid, one head of which is markedly smarter than the other.  If you don't like parodies of 7th Heaven characters, don't read it.  If you'd like to see another chapter, review.

SUMMARY: Samvid struggles to take over the world, starting with the Camden household.

MUAHAHAHAHAHA

Chapter One

            Samvid Camden was sitting in the kitchen, eating cookies on the floor while his sister Ruthie slow danced with some guy in the next room.

            "This is the perfect opportunity for us to hone our manipulation skills and develop our plan for taking over the world," the smarter of Samvid's two heads said, his eyes glowing with his desire to take over the world.

            "COOKIE!" The dumber head said, munching happily on an oreo.

            The smarter head shook it in disgust.  "Can't you ever think of anything but cookies?  It's all about world domination.  If we're ever to break out of this ridiculous family, we must act now, while we're still below suspicion."  For emphasis, this half of Samvid widened his eyes and gave the room an innocent look.  

            "I love you bro-theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer," the dumb half said happily.

            "Think, you simpleton, think!" the smarter half said emphatically.  "Do you want to be sentenced to becoming another bushy-eyebrow-ed Simon?  Or to disappear to 'med school' like Matt?  Worse yet, do you want to develop square jaws that impede our speech like Kevin and Ben?  Do you want to live our entire existence with Lucy sharing her engagement anniversary with our birthday?  Think of the drama, you imbecile, think of it!  Years from now, when Mary's a singing hostess on a cruise ship living in a cabin with her husband Enrico and Matt and Sarah are 'doctors' and the parents have gone through ten midlife crisis, we'll still be here, entering high school, where we will doubtlessly learn lessons about the importance of doing what is right even when it's not easy to help your learning disabled kitten to say no to drugs!  Our back yard will be littered with Cambodian architects and singing dyslexic cowboys and orphaned pterodactyls.. and…"

            "Ter-o-dact-als?" the dumber half questioned.

            The smarter half nodded.  "Yes, pterodactyls and whatever other counseling patients our father has corralled into our backyard.  I cannot stand for it, brother, I cannot!"

            "I love you bro-theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer," the dumber half said with a smile.

            "Cursed!  I am cursed!" the smarter head said, burying his blonde head in their four joint hands.

            He heard a noise.  "Quick," the smarter head said.  "Pretend you don't know any better than to make a huge mess and eat a bunch of cookies even though we're almost four!  Then Ruthie will get in trouble and we won't.  It's not world domination, but it's a start."

            The dumber head tilted his head to the side confused.  As Annie entered the room, the smarter half concealed his intelligence in a face that mimicked his other half's.

            "Where's Ruthie?" Annie questioned.

            "She's daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanciiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing," the two head replied in unison.  It was like the children of the corn, only freakier.

            Annie went off to find Ruthie.

            "Muahahahahahahaha," the smarter twin said.  

            "COOKIE!" the dumber head agreed.

            They were on their way to world domination.

TBC… what other plots does Samvid have in his smarter head?  REVIEW and maybe you'll find out.               


	2. moooonnnnnnnneeeeeeyyyyyy

DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, I just make fun of them.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: So now both heads of Samvid seem a bit smarter…but after that last episode, where they show what little puppetmasters they are, I had to update this fic.  Review if you like it, flame if you don't.  Either way, I'm happy.

Muahahahaha: Chapter Two

            The two heads of Samvid peered around the doorway, one motioning the other forward, as they tip-toed into Simon's room.

            Samvid walked over and using all four hands, he opened Simon's dresser drawer.

            "Moooooonnnnneeeeeeeeey," said the dumber head.

            "Yes," the smarter head crooned.  "Money that will one day buy our way out of this wretched existence.  We shall steal money while we are yet below suspicion, and even if we get caught, we will find our way to puppetmaster ourselves out of it."

            "Mooooonnnnnneeeeeey," the dumber head said again.

            The four hands of Samvid rummaged through Simon's dresser drawer, and tossing aside a condom, a cigarette, and an orphaned flamingo with a sign that said 'after school special' on its neck, they finally found some more money.

            "I shall invest this in a healthy stock portfolio," the smarter head mumbled.

            "It's green!"  The dumber head proclaimed.  The four ears of Samvid heard footsteps.  

            "Quick," the smarter head said.  "Put the money in your too cute Osh-Kosh overalls!"  The other head did as he was instructed.

            Simon came into his room.  Narrowing his eyes at the money-shaped crevices in his dresser drawer, he looked at Samvid.  "Why do I feel like you guys have been doing something you shouldn't?"  Simon asked.

            "Cookie," Samvid replied in unison.

            Simon nodded.  Cookie indeed.

            "Do you want to tell me about it?" he asked.

            _Yes, you simpleton, I want to tell you all about my plan to achieve financial independence and leave this mundane household and my lesser half behind.  Oh wait, no I don't, eyebrow boy.  Give me a cookie, dork._

Simon, unaware that he was under Samvid's mental persuasion, handed two cookies to the blonde-haired children from the Village of the Damned.

            The smarter half of Samvid curled his fingers around the edge of the cookie deviously.  "Excellent," he murmured.

            "What?" Simon asked.  

            "Cookie," both heads of Samvid replied.  The smarter head smiled at his lesser half.  The slow one was learning.  He wasn't as smart as Happy yet, but he had long surpassed Lucy.

            The next day, Samvid was getting off the phone with his evil financial manager.  He smiled.  "Now, brother, we cover our tails," he said, his eyes gleaming.

            The dumber half just nodded, and together the two boys brought their piggy banks to their father.  

            It was a flawless plan.  They would give the Reverend the change for the church fund, while keeping the paper money invested in mutual bonds and a few conservative stocks.  

            After they handed him the money, Samvid turned to leave, but the Rev caught each half by his respective overall straps.

            "Darn these overalls!" the smarter half murmured.  "I am cursed."

            "Moooooonnnnnneeeeeeey," the dumber half said.  

            "Boys, you need to apologize to everyone," he said.

            "Sorry about the money," Samvid said in a sweet voice to everyone in the room.

            "You'll be sorry about a lot more than that," the smarter, more conniving head murmured under his breath.

            "Cookie, money, green, Cecilia's beeeeeaaaauuuuttttiiiffuuuuull," the dumber half said.

            The smarter head took a deep breath and thought of that lovely stock portfolio.  It was taking over the world, but it was a start.   


End file.
